UmmBilal Reads: Marital Discord Causes and Cures
By Majdi Muhammad Ash-Shahawi
Marital discord: causes and cures was published in 2004 by Darussalam. It has 154 pages so not too bulky. Marriage is a very important matter in Islam considering it fulfils half of it. Like every other issue in the deen, guidelines and rules govern it. Allah doesn’t just say do or don’t do this, He tells us how to go about doing or how to avoid doing it. Majdi Muhammad’s writing is concise and genuine.
The book started with the foundations of a happy marriage. Not the foundation of someone else’s marriage that she shares with you and then you treat your husband the way she treats hers which is based on how her husband treats her which is how your husband might not necessarily treat you. Confusing right! Read more slowly. This foundation starts with choosing the right person and the reason for the choice, another thing the Prophet (SAW) guided us on. Then sharing duties, as much as your husband has a right over you, you have one over him too. It is important so you don’t overstep or underachieve. Bear in mind at this point the husband is a woman’s paradise and hell… May Allah make us dwellers of Jannah. Ameen! Then sexual relations – what is expected, and are voluntary Ibadah activities more important than “us time”. Majdi Muhammad talked about cleanliness and adornment, the issue of striking one’s wife, relations with in-laws choosing good friends, avoiding suspicion, polygamy and so on.
When I saw the subheading of undressing outside your home and I thought how can you just go visit a friend and get naked but there was a story that has stayed with me. We all feel the need to dress down for female-only gatherings because we feel it’s just females so no hijabs but with cameras and the I-need-to-post-this-on-Instagram craze, it is hardly ever an only female event anymore
Then he went on to talk about some of the causes of discords – Ghairah (jealously or honour) which if it’s too little or too much is bad. If it’s so much it leads to suspicion which is bad but if so little he loses his honour as he cares less how his wives or daughter behave around the opposite sex. Another cause is the tongue – backbiting, slander, lying, making fun of others etc. Also, spending time doing other activities and friends instead of your family, miserliness, greed, and so on.
He now told us how to resolve these disagreements and preventing them. He noted the mistakes husband and wives commit during an argument such as; hiding one’s intention and feelings, which leads to built-up hatred; inviting others into your dispute, rushing to court for a divorce, destroying each other’s confidence and fighting in front of the kids.
I would recommend this book to not only married Muslims but anyone looking to make their marriage happier whilst it leads them to Jannah InshaAllah. Overall, I would give this book 5 stars.